some thoughts mid week

"Not knowing when the dawn will come I open every door."
Emily Dickinson


I've been thinking a lot about vulnerability-not by choice mind you.
I want to make movies that matter for the rest of my life. That in a nutshell is my dream...and to marry Ryan Gosling. It all goes together though because he likes to do that too-

In order to fulfill this dream, I have to be vulnerable all the time. I must stand in front of total strangers, and ask that they choose me. I have to ask  my acting coach if he likes my choices for the scene. I have to ask casting directors if they think I "fit the role".  I have to ask the other person in the scene to trust me. I have to ask myself to be open and feel scared and exposed in order to ring true. I have to ask people watching to believe that I am someone else.
it sucks. it really, really sucks.

Some weeks I walk to my apartment, and things simply feel hopeless. Sometimes being here feels like a complete joke. Sometimes, I feel far away from everyone I love and everything I know for no reason at all.  Sometimes I feel like a fraud. There always seems to be one more obstacle between me and this lofty goal. This pure idea I've held onto my entire life. I'm not saying I want to be famous, or have everything figured out-I just want contentment.

This picture was taken when Mom and I made the trip up here to interview with talent agencies. I was very unsure, and I was being told a lot that coming from the south was ridiculous. I was burning my safety net in Memphis for this whim. We didn't have a great trip- I was very stressed, people were sort of crazy and rude due to the superbowl going on, and  it was also freezing! So one night at our hotel around midnight we made the decision to just make the best of the three days we had left in town. Naturally, I proposed a "you've got mail" pilgrimage!
 This picture is on the steps of the restaurant where Joe sees Kathleen Kelly. It's sort of the perfect place to show I didn't know how anything would work out-much like the scene in the movie. It was a romantic, wild trip, but my lows were very low.

I look at this picture sometimes, and try to remember that so many good things can enter when you choose to be vulnerable-not just heartbreak. I was told yes the day after this photo was taken. I found an apartment about a month later-I am typing in Williamsburg where a new friend just called to invite me for dinner tomorrow. I now know the area in this photo, because my dialect teacher has an apartment around the corner from that restaurant.

 I found a life here that I didn't think would happen at all. I'm  frustrated today over how difficult things can be... how hard it is to stand and ask...how difficult it is to not be home when things are happening there, but I know that things can change in one night. It's always better in the morning.

Friday Favorites

Hello there! it's been a looonnnnggg week on my end-how about yours? There was a minute that I wasn't sure I would make it! I am going to attempt-for the sake of this little space of mine-to pull out some positivity and light to share with you dear reader!

 Here are my favorites as follows:

-Anne Shirley is sort of the essence of everything good to me- I read Anne of Green Gables at my grandmother's house at around nine or ten, and suddenly my life began to make more sense. I was out of new books to read, and Mama Jo sort of half way threw it at me one afternoon after school-"entertain yourself and stop following me around" basically....Two days later she had created a monster! I had to follow her around even more furiously through the house to tell her how great that book she gave me was. This is one of my favorite quotes from Anne-I have a vintage print with this saying, and it always makes me feel a little better.

 

-I mailed three stunning engagement rings across the country to three boys who are going to propose this week. 

-Speaking of work I am on the blog this week with a few picks for you in the store this month! 

 August shop girl

-My video doesn't do this girl justice! She had a full on song and dance rehearsal while at the subway stop. She danced for ten minutes, and sang two hits from Rent.

-Baked lays are always, always a fave

-I've never talked about faith on here, and I'm not sure I will...but this verse is a favorite if you're cool with the Bible y'all

"Because of the tender mercy of my God by which the rising sun will come to me from heaven-to shine on my darkness and what feels like the shadow of death to me-I will find peace." Luke 1:78-79

-this is so incredible, and I will love it forever. It's probably one of my top 5 favorite- most romantic scenes in film

-while on the subject of romance- this is one of my favorite romantic songs... that seems to always make me cry 

Cheers to the weekend! xo pal

show time show timeeeee

 Hey!

so last week I saw Bear's Den play a show at The Bowery Ballroom! The venue was beautiful-easy to see why it has become such a New York staple.

 Bear's Den has been on my list of people to go see for a while now, so I pounced on tickets when I found out they would be here! They were a sweet, humble group of guys who played very well. They talked mostly about being very excited to be staying in the city, and playing at a beautiful venue-they're originally from England. The crowd could not have been better-I ended up meeting about ten really kind people throughout the night.

This song was the best one of the night-everyone was singing and the band couldn't stop smiling as they played!

those summer nights

It's my birthday week y'all! 

 I turn 24 on the 25th-can you believe it?! I can't. 

Since this is a big week I will be posting a favorite or two every day! Friday will be a super special  edition "Friday Favorites" called...dun dun dun.... "Friday Favorites OF ALL TIME".

Turn down for what? 

To begin this week of favorites- I present to you a fantastic summer video-a song that makes me feel joyful-sung by someone beautiful the ONE...the ONLY...YONCE! Who I totally love like XO.

This album was released shortly before I made the big move-

I remember, I made a trip with Mother dear to apartment hunt in the city, and we had to take two flights. You should know, I get scared on airplanes... I watched this video about 50x on a very turbulent flight, and it is the only thing that distracted me! 

Also loving that New York is like the smallest town ever. Don't believe me? 

I bumped into a girl I used to work with in Memphis this afternoon, and neither knew the other was living here! How does that happen? HOW? I don't know, but it did.

Onward to birthday week!

cheers to Monday pals

shuffle

Dress in weather appropriate gear-
today included my (brother's) oversized, white Dublin tee//Mississippi charm necklace//high waisted black short-shorts//catbird threadbare rings//white star spangled converse//ponytail

grab bags
today's included my catbird tote holding all my junk//small fossil bag holding money and subway card and phone and keys? keys.//jane's closet bag

Make sure I have my keys

turn off the light 

turn off the ac//turn off one fan// turn up my room fan

goodbye kiss for Bartholomew as he goes to take a nap in the bathroom

make sure I have keys and lock the door!

down one flight and out into a wave of heat and blinding sun

hellos to the barber (lil ant') and neighbor (george) and weird dog on the corner

chapstick/sunglasses

 avoid being hit by a bike

down one flight and stand on subway platform smelling weird smells and drip off all makeup and feel gross and eat breakfast bar

welcome a wave of hot air and shuffle into subway (stand clear of the closing doors beep)

enjoy the air conditioning and the smell of the boy next to you who is wearing amazingly good soap? cologne? magic? everyone normally smells awful what is happening 

and off into more heat

up  two flights through the throws of humanity and so many strollers and shopping bags and guitar cases and there is a puddle on the floor still after a week?

step onto the hot pavement and smell fresh flowers and pizza and walk 

in.more.heat. 

Around Here

Around here....
I am trying to catch up on some new albums out right now-listening to Lana Del Rey and Lykke Li consistently like all the moody girls should. 
I'm so in love with this song. 
especially the words "yeah my boyfriend's pretty cool, but he's not as cool as me."
does it get any better than that statement? NO, it doesn't. really. great sentence-
think about it.

 

by the way...hope you had a wonderful 4th!

I went to a sweet little BBQ in Brooklyn with good people, and then watched the fireworks over the East River. I couldn't have hoped for a better first holiday in my new city.

 It was though, I must say... oddly.. COLD. The fourth of July-yes Independence Day-was windy and cold! So much so that people were wrapped in quilts as the fireworks exploded overhead. It was strange. 

We played a few great games of water balloon toss, but as the sun started to set it got incredibly competitive! No one wanted to get wet, because sitting in a damp t-shirt in the wind was miserable! It should have been a welcome relief from the heat, but no luck there. 

STILL it was a great night-did I mention we ended with sparklers? 

Here's a couple snaps  - 

  

 

 

woohoo for Wednesday

I am a massive Nora Ephron fan, so when a friend invited me to a showing of "When Harry Met Sally" I immediately and emphatically said yes. We packed a picnic and watched on a giant projector with about 2 million other massive fans. It was perfection.

It is honestly still surreal that I live in New York. Earlier today I was on the upper west side for a few appointments, and walked around the central park area on the phone-while watching the movie I saw so many places I walked this afternoon. I was also watching with the skyline twinkling behind me. It was such a great experience that meant so much to me.

By the way can we talk about JUST how good that movie is?! I would put quotes up that I love, but it could get wayyy too lengthy, so go watch it for me will you?